i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
