I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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