We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the day after is always just damage control
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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