i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
