walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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