Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
