you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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