ugly people sure do ruin things
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
