did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
