Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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