Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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