how can u be prego again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
