meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
