somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
