And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
