when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
