My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
and you fell through a lawn chair
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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