Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
