Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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