haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
