I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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