yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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