i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
