; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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