Where did you get a picture of my penis
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
