I bet he comes in French.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
