is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
