I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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