Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
