Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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