those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
