3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
