Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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