I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
