i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
