is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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