wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
