Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
