I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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