No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Im part way to drunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
