he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
