I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
