Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
