Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
