Your face is a jimmy john
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
