Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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