i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
