apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
