p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
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