You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
