idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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