And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
