ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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