I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
