you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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