He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
