I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize